So you've got a new manager?

Getting a new manager is a magical time for everyone involved. There's a brand new addition to your corporate family, so it's only to be expected that there will be much excitement and interest. But there's also a great deal of responsibility involved. New managers are not just for special occasions. They're going to be part of your company for life - or at least until the end of their probation period - and they're going to need a great deal of care and attention. To help you on your way, here are five things you need to know about looking after your new manager.


Chairs

Anyone coming into a new environment is likely to feel out of place and isolated, and your new manager is no different. The first thing it will try to do is make its mark on its new territory. You may find that it will start by moving things around for no good reason - office furniture, display stands, storage areas on so on. This will give it a false sense of control over its new environment. It's all perfectly natural and nothing to worry about, and as time goes by you should find that things gradually revert to the way they were.


Rules

Managers are creatures of routine and anything that upsets their established patterns can become frightening and confusing for them. A new workplace with new procedures, rules and regulations can therefore be a daunting prospect and they will avoid placing themselves in situations which force them to adapt or think for themselves. You may find that they will impose their own procedures and rules, many of which will be unnecessary and nonsensical, and this can be frustrating when they supplant tried and tested practices which existed for a reason. Once again, this is all part of the process of acclimatisation and with a little patience and understanding you will soon find your workplace operating properly again.


Notices

There may be occasions where your new manager seems restless, unresponsive or irritable. It could be that they lack stimulation, and if this is the case then you might try encouraging them to design new forms or notices for the workplace. Managers like nothing better than spending a day drawing up a flowchart which tells you how to answer the phone or an illustrated guide showing you how to sit on a chair. A few badly punctuated signs distributed around staff areas can make your manager feel like it's making an important and worthwhile contribution to your business, and can really help to lift its mood.


Graph

One of the things that surprises many people when they get a new manager is just how creative it can be. We've already seen how keen they are to invent new policies, procedures and processes, but it doesn't end there. They are also wonderfully imaginative when it comes to inventing sales figures, client outcomes and other performance data. It's easy to interpret this as a feeble attempt to deceive, either to enhance their reputation or, more commonly, to disguise their own inadequacy. But this is not the case. It's simply the means by which they express their innovative genius, a quality which should be nurtured and encouraged at every opportunity.


Door

And finally, your new manager is going to give you hour upon hour of pleasure but it's worth remembering that managers are not like the rest of us. Despite your care, your attention and your encouragement you will likely find that it may at times seem distant, cold and unappreciative. It will not return your affection, acknowledge the help you have provided or behave in a socially acceptable way. You may even find that it chews the furniture, attacks visitors or howls uncontrollably when left unattended. But if you're patient, if you treat it with understanding, if you make allowances for its quirks and get to know its habits, you'll find that it soon settles down, becomes a useful member of the team and stops shitting in your in tray.


 

Return to Archive 4

www.bleeding-obvious.co.uk
The Annual 2017

FREE Download

Or read it online here.

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2015 The UBO Annual 2016 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...


 

 

Promo Image

French Polishers

French polisher arrested for interfering with table.

Promo Image

Hoofer

Dancer mown dow by chorus line.

Promo Image

Cash for Pets

Trade in your used doggy

Promo Image

The First Annual Bleeding Obvious Award...

...for the Achievement of Outstanding Celebrity Without Really Doing Very Much

Promo Image

Bareknuckle Snooker

One of the biggest threats to law and order since badminton

Promo Image

The Devil's Arse on Tour

Big hole coming to your town.

 

Teaching Carrots to FlyTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

Latest blog entries...

10 August 2017: Usherette Misses Out on Award Again

07 August 2017: Selling Crap for Fun and Profit

01 August 2017: Vapid