Top spies know that when you're sneaking up behind an enemy agent, positioning yourself to deliver the fatal karate chop that will guarantee the future security of the free world, the last thing you want is a stray squeak or creak to give away your position.
That's why 9 out of 10 Super Secret National Intelligence Agencies use Squeak Off.
Squeak Off's revolutionary anti-squeak technology penetrates deep into noisy footwear, soothing, caressing and nourishing the material to leave your shoes not only squeakless but also free from dandruff.
Squeak Off is guaranteed to work on a variety of materials and fabrics, including:
And Squeak Off is not just a boon for intelligence men - it has proven useful for people in all walks of life, including hitmen, fishermen, mime artists, cinema usherettes, librarians and tax inspectors.
So next time you need to sneak up on someone and wrestle them to the ground before they have time to raise the alarm, give Squeak Off a go.
*As far as we're aware, no one has yet invented bacon shoes, but when they do we'll be ready.
Parp Clang Twang Wubble-Wubble-Wubble-Wubble.
Top notch swanky grog
Most commercially available printers have an inbuilt fear of paper.
Going for gold with your toaster
A gobful of abuse from young Paul certainly strikes home.
Picturesque county goes on tour.
21 March 2017: Hypnotic Wipes to Tackle Information Leakage
16 March 2017: Space Junk
14 March 2017: Ladder Ordeal Enters Sixteenth Hour