Eradicate the Embarrassment
of Squeaky Shoes with

Squeak Off

Top spies know that when you're sneaking up behind an enemy agent, positioning yourself to deliver the fatal karate chop that will guarantee the future security of the free world, the last thing you want is a stray squeak or creak to give away your position.

That's why 9 out of 10 Super Secret National Intelligence Agencies use Squeak Off.

Squeak Off's revolutionary anti-squeak technology penetrates deep into noisy footwear, soothing, caressing and nourishing the material to leave your shoes not only squeakless but also free from dandruff.

Squeak Off is guaranteed to work on a variety of materials and fabrics, including:

  • Leather
  • Suede
  • Plastic
  • Bacon*
  • Canvas

And Squeak Off is not just a boon for intelligence men - it has proven useful for people in all walks of life, including hitmen, fishermen, mime artists, cinema usherettes, librarians and tax inspectors.

So next time you need to sneak up on someone and wrestle them to the ground before they have time to raise the alarm, give Squeak Off a go.

Squeak Off

The Big Noise in Footwear Technology

*As far as we're aware, no one has yet invented bacon shoes, but when they do we'll be ready.

 

 

Taken from The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2015

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The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2015

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The UBO Annual 2021

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2021

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The UBO Annual 2020

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2020

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The UBO Annual 2018

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

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The UBO Annual 2017

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2017

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UBO Vol 1

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Vol 1

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UBO Vol 2

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Vol 2

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