Dear Sir

As a local businessman and owner of a convenience store supplying goods to a small town and the surrounding area, I wish to express my absolute support for the current government's drive to stifle the local economy. Slashing benefits to the point where people are forced to rely on charity or resort to subsistence crime has played a major part in the success of enterprises like mine. Now that nobody can actually afford to buy anything, my turnover of stock has sharply decreased and significantly reduced my paperwork.

What's more, cutting the amount of money available to local authorities has had a similarly positive effect, leading to the deterioration of unnecessary services like street lighting, litter collection and the upkeep of roads. And, of course, the council is no longer able to subsidise rural transport links.

In short, even if somebody has money to spend, and they're not put off by the fact that the town is now a near-derelict eyesore, they probably wouldn't be able to get here anyway. And I'm absolutely overjoyed, because with fewer customers to dirty up the place it means that my premises have never been cleaner.

Yours Faithfully

Gary Businessman