Archive 1

Mail Order Tattoos

"A company in Perth, Australia is now offering a unique 'Tattoo by Post' service..."


"Startling new data suggests that the amount of fluff in the Earth's biosphere will shortly reach catastrophic proportions..."


Derek Fact's Fact Spanner

"Fact: there are more miles of shelving in China than anywhere else in the world..."

Supermarket Kerfuffle

"Emergency services were called to a Lincoln supermarket yesterday after a misaligned caster caused a pile up..."

The Secret of Old Age

"Mrs Doris Pemberton recently revealed the secret of her longevity on the occasion of her hundred and twenty-fourth birthday..."

Flying Squirrels

"For those of you who take the view that flying into the side of a house at forty knots is nothing but a drop in the wide ocean of pain and anguish..."

Oven Chimps

Global Moistening

"We might see the major land masses of our planet becoming so squishy that everyone will have to go around in flippers..."

It's a Fact

"Hello, my name is Donald Fact, and has been ever since I changed it by deed poll in 1968..."

Cosmic Background Apathy

"Just how big is the Universe? When, and where, will it end...?"

Happysmiles Emergency Clown Service


"We provide flippers, facemasks, breathing apparatus - then we take these people up in an aeroplane and push them out..."

Mathew Sandblaster_Trogg

"Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg has not stopped bouncing since 1972..."

Recipe Corner

"This week: Chilli Con Carne..."

Wind Tunnel Technician

"We speak to Maurice Pencil, a wind tunnel technician at the Happworth Aeronautical Institute in Gwent..."


"The world of mathematics has been shattered by the discovery of a new number..."

Songs of Inspiration and Devotion

Extreme Dinosaurs

"But is there any actual evidence that they were into hang-gliding...?"

Shark Fishing

"On average, twenty thousand sharks a week pass over Mr Pong's farm, seriously worrying the sheep..."

Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc

Did Man Really Go To Belgium?

"For as long as man can remember he has dreamed of one day travelling to Belgium..."

Mountain Rescue

"I was born up a mountain, I've lived all my life up a mountain and I fully expect to die up one..."


"He quite literally set the art world ablaze by torching the National Gallery..."

Kicking Up a New Stink

"In the face of much scepticism and derision, Quentin Tote has discovered a new smell..."

Exploding Dinners

"We have integrated the latest pyrotechnic technology into our products to create fully interactive meals...

Not Funny

"According to Professor Jez Moonbeam, comedy is something that occurs spontaneously at a sub-atomic level..."

Product Recall

"...boxes of the above product have been found to contain small canoes, vaulting horses and other items of sports equipment..."

Click Here For Cut Price Chips

Cooker Island

"The island is now home to an altogether more bizarre branch of the animal kingdom - rogue cookers..."


"Your average library is nothing less than a seething cauldron of violence...

What Is It?

"The scientific community has been rocked to its foundations by the startling claims of Professor Norman Sadowitz..."

First Annual Bleeding Obvious Award...

"After all, anyone can learn to act, or paint, or dance, or sing. But to be born into an acting family, to be the niece of a high-ranking TV executive or to been fortunate enough to have gone to university with the son of a rich publisher..."

Know Your Birds

"Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare...

Bare-Knuckle Snooker

"Free of the restraints and controls that regulate professional snooker, the bare-knuckle variety is an often brutal and vicious game...

Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide

"Stuffing myself silly in dozens of top class swanky restaurants...

Operation Mutton

"Our goose would have been well and truly cooked had it not been for the remarkable work of Eugene Rumbold and his camouflaged sheep..."

New Improved God

Puzzle Page

Wrap your brains around these fiendish puzzles

Dougal Fridgely

"The discovery of Mr Dougal Fridgely of 42 Belvedere Crescent, Tadcaster..."

Death by Pastry

"In just four years time the Earth will be nothing more than a huge pie hanging in space..."

Cheese Genome

"This latest discovery has finally put an end to all the speculation, demonstrating that cheese has an objective reality..."

Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism

"I've been specially trained to kill using nothing more than a raised elbow..."

Motorcycle Display Teams

"When Ferdinand Von Zeppelin built the first motorbike back in 1884..."

Fats Porker - Blues Whinger

"It was with considerable regret that blues fans learnt yesterday of the sad loss of Fats Porker..."

Barry the Road Safety Owl

"Hey kids! Get off the road..."


Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page

"I'm Maisy Donnington, and tonight I'm going to be your guide to the wonderful world of cheese..."

Sofas Are From Mars...

"A new space race is on following the announcement that Ikea intends to put a sofa on the surface of Mars..."

Nuclear Garden

"Sometimes it goes on for weeks at a time. We can't sleep at night and it frightens the dog..."

The Thoroughfare of Success

"What do we really mean by targeted motivational short-term direction objectives?"

Short and Curly

"Scientific types in Austria are one step closer to tapping the vast store of energy locked away in curly hair..."

The Trivial Accident Group

Typists of the Kalahari

"The average African bull elephant can type at speeds in excess of 120 words per minute..."

Project Scooby

"She's a sly old devil dog. A barbed wire boot for the unwary traveller. A rancid, petulant wheelbarrow of death for the moribund adventurer..."


"She was suddenly attacked by a small yellow creature, which rushed out from behind a bush, bit her on the arse then waddled off with her pension money...


"Was North America once home to an advanced society, which mysteriously disappeared over forty years ago?"


"The flap of a butterfly's wings in Central Park could ultimately cause an earthquake in China...

Random Kevin

"Random Kevin is a life-size inflatable doll that you can abuse and ridicule in the comfort and privacy of your own home..."


Recalled to Life: UBO vol 3

Published 2014



The University of the Bleeding Obvious: Volume 1

Published 2006



The University of the Bleeding Obvious: Volume 2

Published 2011



The Bongo Lectures

The Bongo Lectures

Published 2012

Download Free PDF



Goldilocks and the
Free Bears

Goldilocks and the Free Bears

Published 2006

Buy Paperback



Death, Doom
and Disaster

Death, Doom and Disaster

Published 2006

Buy Paperback

All material Copyright © Paul Farnsworth 2000-2011, and may not be reproduced, without the express permission of the author, in any medium including but not limited to personal blogs, messageboards and other internet forums. This restriction also applies to the hotlinking of images. Permission can be requested at All characters, companies and organisations are fictitious, and any similarity to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.