Archive 3

The 'Fluence
news clipping

Social media influencer influences socially using media.

Fraudulent Bananas

Caution: banana bandits operate in this area.

Quality Service at Pooley's

Expert service and a full range of snacks.

Crystal N.R.G

Powering the future with happy thoughts.

A Law Unto Herself
Burning rule book

Ms. Frisbee tells it like it is.

Donald Fact's Factbreakers

Revisiting the classic '70s kids' TV show

Forward to the Future

We take a look at the fantastic new developments in transport that we can expect in the 1980s.


"Technically speaking, is the strawberry a fruit or an animal?"


"Strange and inexplicable anomalies in the motion of the planet Mars..."


"Mrs Doreen Lubricant wants to make the coastline of Great Britain 'less jaggedy'..."


"The difference between man and mechanism can be defined very easily - it's the ability to swear...."


"New Discovery Casts Light on Prophet's Death..."

Young Waiter of the Year

"Make no mistake - a gobful of abuse from young Paul certainly strikes home..."

Man Picks Fight with Pacific Ocean

"Unemployed welder Desmond Omelette, 42, of Leeds has been charged with assaulting the Pacific Ocean..."

Darrens on the Decline in Essex

"Zoologists are seriously concerned about the falling numbers of Darrens in Essex..."

Archaeologists Dig Up Roman Hole
Cross section of hole

"Archaeologists excavating in Peterborough are delighted to have discovered a hole..."

Herman Logins
Olympic rings

"Mr Herman Logins of Aberdeen, is to be the venue for the next Olympic Games..."

Pernicious Phlegm

"Legendary hard rock band Pernicious Phlegm are set to return to the public eye..."

Toaster Suicide

"He eventually succeeded in wedging his ear into one of the slots of his toaster..."

Nelson's Travel Kettle

"Archaeologists have unearthed Admiral Lord Nelson's travel kettle..."

Teleportation Breakthrough

"One of the age-old dreams of science fiction writers may very soon be a reality..."


"All forms of music - whether it be recorded on CD or vinyl, or written in the form of sheet music - will not be allowed past special checkpoints..."

Vet Shortage

"In future, students will be required to draw a picture of a dog with a felt-tipped pen..."


"The picturesque English county of Cornwall is currently on loan to the United States..."


"Mr Alfred Brindley returned home to find that, due to a typing error, his house had been bugled..."


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Monetising Misery

Making poverty pay.

Space Things

The humble beginnings of a major sci-fi franchise.

Inside the Nun Factory

"Like myself, you were probably under the impression that nuns grew on trees..."

Metal Detecting

"Sidney found a World War II German U-boat, complete with its original crew..."

Surrealist Muggings
Colour blue

"Police in the Midlands have been baffled by an outbreak of surrealist muggings in the region..."

Climbing the Orinoco

"In just a few short weeks, if all goes to plan, the name Elton Studsworthy will be a household word..."

The Cake Escape
Cake with file

"Previous finds have included a moped wedged between the layers of a Victoria sponge..."

McDonald's opens new branch in the Atlantic
Ocean McDonalds

"Top secret research labs in Mexico have perfected a technique of successfully waterproofing Big Macs..."

Concerns Grow for Missing Ladder Astronaut
Space ladeer

"Disaster has hit Britain's troubled space program with the loss of astronaut Brian Parker..."

Belicose Pork
Pork pie

"The High Court has placed an injunction on bio-engineering firm Piggytech Ltd. to prevent them from genetically engineering pork pies for breeding purposes..."

Pig diagram

"Residents New Jersey are raising money to send Milton Pope to New York, so that he can push a pig off the top of the Empire State Building..."

Post Nuns
Postbox nuns

"In a surprise move, nuns are to be installed in 70 main post offices across the UK..."

Furniture folding

The art of folding furniture.


Wiliam Turpin - 21st Century Highwayman.

Elelctric sausages

"Simon Cocksure has replaced all of his wiring with sausages..."

Quickfire Questions

"We quiz a famous celebrity for a minute ..."

Occuloid Laserprobe
Sir Barnaby Tonk Shines a Light

"Every lamppost that lines our highways and byways is grown from seed..."

Cake Rage

"Many criminals already have access to semi-automatic pastry..."

Barney's Magic Wonder Show

"Belinda Sommers reviews Barney's Magic Number Show..."

Official Apologies

"We went to interview the NHS's new Head of Official Apologies...."

Unconventional Weapons

"There are numerous stories of America employing itching powder in Vietnam...."

Grand Theft Equine

"The increasing desirability of the horse has presented a new target for teenage joyriders..."

My Favourite Nuts

"We invite famous stars of stage and screen to tell us about some of their favourite nuts..."

There and Back Again by Elastic

"Our sympathies to Rodney Tarzan after failing in his attempt to go around the world on elastic..."

Fish Olympics
Fish olympics

"It is with regret that we have to report that the XII Fish Olympiad has been abandoned..."

Perfect Circle

"Dr Gaseous Ballcock claims to have developed the world's first 'perfect circle'..."


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An Old Fart Remembers...
old photo

"Course, it were different back in them days."

Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form

Hand yourself in, sonnny.

The Discovery of Vitamin G

Mary Walters and her pet snake Simon make a breakthrough

Large Organ

"Mr Harold Pogley of Warminster has the largest organ in the UK..."

A Boost for Industry

Airfix wins major defence contract.

Special Powers
Police powers

"Under new proposals, police officers will be equipped with X-ray vision..."


"Legendary hoofer Betty Pallas died tragically yesterday when she was mown down by the chorus line..."

Anthony Bulbous Spock's Wine Guide

"Six of the best wines to perfectly compliment your game birds..."

Lobster Facts

with Derek the Fact Crab

A Very Local Paper
Local Paper

"Mr Droop's thirst for news has led to him becoming disillusioned with the Evening Observer..."

Cold Fusion Sandwiches

"Edward Smiley has invented the world's first cold fusion sandwich..."

Skippy's Opera

"Using sound as a weapon is something that has been considered feasible for many years..."

sounds of nature
An Important Announcement About Fish

"Not many of us would credit the average salmon with advanced problem-solving abilities..."

The Sandwich Advisor
Sandwich chart

"The National Sandwich Hotline offers personal lunchtime help in the shape of a professional sandwich advisor..."

Springboard to the Stars

"Conventional science might yet provide a means for us to explore the galaxy, if Project Pogo is given the go ahead..."

Tap Dancing Across the Sahara

"A celebration of spectacular failure..."

What Do Your Keys Say About You?

"The secret to good fortune, wealth and wisdom may be found in the palm of your hand..."

The National Key Museum
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective

"For thirty years Marmaduke Irksome talked crap in the House of Commons as the MP for Pontefract West...."

A Tall Order

"We were pleased to have an opportunity to speak to top advertising guru Christian Pyle..."

Auras by Post
Drive-By Wallpapering

"A spate of drive-by wallpaperings has resulted in several public buildings being seriously redecorated..."

The Man Who Invented Sitting Down

"Life must have been very hard in the days before sitting down was invented..."


"Wilful and deliberate attempts of household appliances to cause harm to humankind..."

Transatlantic Gardening

"A friend bet him that he couldn't sail across the Atlantic Ocean in his own garden..."

Yeti Makeover

"The ladies of Melton Mowbray Rotary Club decided to track down a yeti and give it a makeover..."

Is your tortoise roadworthy?
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise

"Our roving travel writer Roly Coconut visits this increasingly popular holiday destination, and wishes he hadn't..."

The Bubble Bloke

"He coughs up something unpleasant and hides it beneath his beer mat..."

Operation Scorched Earth

"Chief Inspector Wilbur Violence of the Essex police force has been in the news..."

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Sir Edmund Woggle is Scouting for Boys.
Man Blames European Space Agency
Please give all you can to help mountains in need.
French polisher arrested for interfering with table.
It's for their own good
How close should a gentleman get to a lady?
You always wanted to know how nuns are made
They're still stuck up there
Step-by-step instructions for your piece of junk printer.
Patent stink technology


Extreme DinosaursTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs


The Bleeding Obvious Prime Time Gameshow Generator

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