Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Mrs Womble writes...
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
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