Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Mrs Womble writes...
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
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