Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Mrs Womble writes...
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
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