The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Mrs Womble writes...
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
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