Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Mrs Womble writes...
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
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