Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Mrs Womble writes...
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
All material Copyright © Paul Farnsworth 2000-2025, and may not be reproduced without the express permission of the author. All characters, companies and organisations are fictitious, and any similarity to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental. || Picture Credits: P.Farnsworth/morguefile.com/craiyon.com. || Privacy Notice: this site does not collect, store or otherwise process your personal data. Sorry, but I'm not the slightest bit interested in you.
