Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Mrs Womble writes...
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
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