Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Mrs Womble writes...
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
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