Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Mrs Womble writes...
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
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