Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Mrs Womble writes...
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
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