Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Mrs Womble writes...
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
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