The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Mrs Womble writes...
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
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