Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Mrs Womble writes...
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
All material Copyright © Paul Farnsworth 2000-2026, and may not be reproduced without the express permission of the author. All characters, companies and organisations are fictitious, and any similarity to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental. || Picture Credits: P.Farnsworth/morguefile.com/craiyon.com. || Privacy Notice: this site does not collect, store or otherwise process your personal data. Sorry, but I'm not the slightest bit interested in you.
