Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Mrs Womble writes...
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
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