Archive 1

February 2001
- July 2003

Short and Curly

"Tapping the vast store of energy locked away in curly hair..."

Bare-knuckle Snooker

"It was originally brought to the west by someone who hung out with Marco Polo..."


Global Moistening

"We might see the major land masses becoming so squishy..."

Cosmic Background Apathy

"Just how big is the Universe?"

more...

Arty Tomatoes
Jehovahs Cleaners
Professional Scarer
more
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Terraform

Ambitious plans have been put into action for the terraforming of the surface of the planet Mars - not, as you might expect, by a government agency, nor by the scientific community at large, but by McDonalds, the multi-national fast food outlet. "We know that this is a major project," said spokesman Brian Permanganate. "And we're sure that it won't be without its problems, but we're confident that we can create conditions on Mars capable of supporting up to fifteen drive-thru restaurants within the space of six years. These outlets will subsequently encourage the growth of many other retail units, leading to the creation of permanent, self-supporting out-of-town commercial centres. I think we can quite reasonably expect that by the year 2017, most people on Earth will be doing their shopping on Mars, perhaps stopping off at the Moon on the way back to fill up with fuel, grab a doughnut and buy some garden furniture."


Links

Aug 2003 -
Jan 2006

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Gentlemen's Etiquette

"A gentleman never fouls himself upwind of a waitress..."


10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs

"Frogs can jump ten times their own bodyweight..."

more...

Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up

"You're a miserable old sourpuss..."

Jazz Bomb

"They had built a massive underground Wurlitzer on the outskirts of Munich..."

Death Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Tall Stories
Medical Glossary Hypnotism Tigers
Self-diagnosis tool
More...


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All material © Paul Farnsworth 2000-2009, and may not be reproduced without the express permission of the author. All characters, companies and organisations are fictitious, and any similarity to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.