Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Mrs Womble writes...
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
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