Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Mrs Womble writes...
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
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