Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Mrs Womble writes...
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
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