Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Mrs Womble writes...
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
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