The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier ttouser experience.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Mrs Womble writes...
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
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