Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Mrs Womble writes...
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
All material Copyright © Paul Farnsworth 2000-2026, and may not be reproduced without the express permission of the author. All characters, companies and organisations are fictitious, and any similarity to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental. || Picture Credits: P.Farnsworth/morguefile.com/craiyon.com. || Privacy Notice: this site does not collect, store or otherwise process your personal data. Sorry, but I'm not the slightest bit interested in you.
