"Many leading anthropologists now believe that we we are currently seeing the emergence of new classification of human being that is better adapted to eating chips..."
"After all, did not the Lord God Himself send his only begotten dishcloth so that we may have a clean bowl for our cornflakes on the morrow?"
"There has been much controversy following the announcement made by His Holiness the Pope earlier today, prohibiting the wearing of sandals..."
"I waits in this dark cellar, dressed as a ghostly monk, and when they comes round, I leaps out and goes GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!"
"Guy Parker has, over the years, proven to be one of the more controversial artists on the international art scene..."
"Each and every member of our customer-facing retail contingent is passionate about bathroom fittings.."
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If cows are made of beef and pigs are made of bacon, what are squirrels made of?
British spaceman missing.
Teaching carrots to fly
New crime prevention initiative.
Twenty thousand sharks a week pass over Mr Pong's farm
I've always thought that the best way of staying alive is 'not to die'.