Stuff Your Bleeding Job

In what is thought to be a first for the studio, Paramount has acquired the rights to a resignation letter written by Martin Quibble, former payroll officer at a medium-sized logistics company based in the UK. Mr Quibble's notice to terminate his contract runs to just under two hundred pages and in giving detailed reasons for his departure, Mr Quibble relates a blistering story of mismanagement, corruption and petty infighting.

The letter is to be made into a major motion picture and casting has already been confirmed for many of the lead roles, including the overweight narcissistic company boss who doesn't have any interest in anything that doesn't directly feed his own ego, the slippery Director of Non-Compliance with the big shiny car and the strange reluctance to explain where the pension fund has gone, and the whinging senior partner who, on the rare occasions when he condescends to turn up to work, moans constantly about how he's occasionally expected to do the job he's being paid to do and whose reports to the board appear to be a fantastical amalgamation of pure fiction and wishful thinking.

Quibble himself has been retained as a consultant on the film and is reported to be very pleased with how it is progressing, although he is a little concerned that some elements have departed from actual events. Specifically, the boss is not nearly fat enough, the Director of Non-Compliance is not nearly evil enough, and the senior partner is nowhere near as irritating as his real-life counterpart.

The biggest problem, however, would appear to be the ending. The film concludes with the company chairman reading Quibble's resignation letter, realising the error of his ways and becoming an altogether better person, whereas in real life the letter was just thrown in the bin by the HR manager.

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Taken from The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018.

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