Auto-Response

Medical history was made this week when doctors attempted to decipher the brainwaves of a coma patient. The Amazing Garth Pendulum, a stage hypnotist from the north east, entered into a comatose state in December 2012 after uttering the words 'I'm just nipping out for a while'. Doctors have been unable to determine any biological cause for his condition and have concluded that Mr Pendulum's state is voluntary, suspecting that there may be some sort of publicity angle.

It is partly for this reason that investigators chose The Amazing Pendulum to test out their cutting edge brain imaging apparatus. Their equipment can detect and decipher brainwaves, which finely tuned software algorithms then assemble into messages.

Upon first connecting the machine to Mr Pendulum, researchers received what they have termed an 'out-of-body auto-response'. The message explained that Mr Pendulum was currently out of his body, taking a vacation on another astral plane. He then goes on to say that he will shortly be taking bookings and gives a list of tour dates for next year.