Host: ...and remember kids, don't you go trying that at home. Okay then, it's time once again for that part of the show that we call 'Quickfire Questions' in which we quiz a famous celebrity for a minute about their latest project. This week's guest is the renowned novelist Brendan Kitts. A big hand please! Hello Brendan.
Brendan Kitts: Hello.
Host: And Brendan's going to be telling us all about his new book. So if you're ready Brendan, your minute starts... Now! Okay, so your latest book 'A Rocketful of Stardust' is described as a scathing attack on popular media. Am I right?
Brendan Kitts: Yes, it's... it's actually called 'A Pocketful of Stardust'.
Host: Wonderful. So it's a sci-fi novel, huh, Brendan? And are there many rockets featured in the book?
Brendan Kitts: No, no, you've got it wrong. It's called 'A Pocketful of Stardust', you see. It's about the modern cult of celebrity and, and -
Host: Fantastic. I love sci-fi. I'd rather watch a movie, but books are okay. Tell me, are there any pictures in the book, Brendan?
Brendan Kitts: - and the audience's gradual lack of attachment to, um - to, um - to modern media.
Host: Great. And monsters, Brendan? I bet there are some really horrible monsters, yes?
Brendan Kitts: What? No, no... It's not a sci-fi novel. There are no monsters.
Host: Oh, but I love monsters. There must be bad guys. You can't write a sci-fi book without bad guys.
Brendan Kitts: No! No! It's not a... There are no monsters - not unless you count the media executives who constantly brainwash us with, with, with a diet of trivia and nonsense and pointless ephemera.
Host: Whoa! Brainwashing - great! So, these aliens have come to Earth to brainwash us and turn us into mindless simpletons. Cool!
Brendan Kitts: There are no aliens! The point I'm making is that we're already mindless simpletons, unable to digest anything more challenging than soundbites, slogans and reality television. My book is about the way in which our literary and dramatic traditions have been eroded in order to -
Host: Okay then, that's just wonderful. Well, your minute's almost up, Brendan. Just time for one last word from you.
Brendan Kitts: What?
Host: That'll do. So folks, Brendan's new book 'A Rocketful of Stardust' is out next Monday. Should be a damn good read, and if you're like me you'll be looking forward to the film version. Okay, so time for my next guest. You may know her from Celebrity Abattoir, and Eat Shit, I'm A Celebrity - here to promote her latest dancercise DVD, it's...