Man writes Facebook post which doesn't mention Doctor Who

At 46 years of age, most people would assume that Jeremy P. Moffat had outgrown his schoolboy obsession with a mildly entertaining but ultimately lightweight and throwaway kids programme. But with a cringeworthy lack of self-consciousness, Moffat continued, until recently, to proclaim himself a lifelong fan of the BBC programme Doctor Who and was proud of the fact that he could crowbar some pathetic reference to the show into every single conversation he had.

Whether he was likening the turbulent situation in the Middle East to an invasion of Cybermen, drawing comparisons between right wing politicians and Davros or commenting on current education policy with reference to the inhuman mind control experiments of the Crapulons from the Deltoid Magma system - or something - Moffat remained incapable of expressing an opinion other than through the prism of his soul-destroying fixation with a piece of frivolous Saturday night bullshit that deserves little more attention than the mindless gameshows and celebrity gurn-a-thons with which it shares a schedule.

But last Saturday something happened which completely changed his outlook: whilst writing a Facebook post in which he gave his opinions on climate change, Moffat entirely failed to mention the classic 1974 episode Terror of the Swamp Goblins.

"I don't know what came over me," he told us. "Before I knew what I was doing I hit 'publish' and it was out there. I felt empty inside. I felt sick. Would I have to hand in my membership card of The Doctor Who Appreciation Society? Would I be shunned by my fellow Whovians? Would people point at me in the street and shout 'dickhead'? Still?

"My immediate thought was to edit the post and hope that no one had seen it. But just as I was about to do this, a weird sensation came over me. It felt okay. It seemed... normal. It was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I suddenly realised that for the past thirty years everybody must have thought I was a proper knob."

Moffat still watches Doctor Who but he no longer allows it to dominate his life. He has stopped frittering away all of his disposable income on merchandise that never gets taken out of its original packaging. He has stopped creating perfectly executed but ultimately purposeless fan artwork which most people are too polite to tell him they're not interested in. And, most importantly, he can converse perfectly normally without even hinting at police boxes, time travel or screwdrivers, sonic or otherwise. As he says himself, he's a completely new person.

"I feel so much better now that I no longer have this terrible burden," he said. "I'd recommend anyone in my position to do the same. It's changed my life. In fact, if I had to sum up how I feel now, I'd say it's pretty much exactly how Captain Kirk must have felt in the Season 2 opener, when Sulu rescued him from the Klingons who had imprisoned him in the Zytum Mines of Rolodex 4. It really is that good."

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