Monocles for Sick Badgers

Did you know that just £5 could buy a monocle for a sick badger? Or that £10 could purchase a course of swimming lessons for a nervous squirrel? And did you know that it only costs £45 to send a hedgehog on a weekend hiking trip to the Cairngorms?

Sadly, many of the UK's native woodland creatures are destined to end up as roadkill for want of many of the simple everyday comforts that we take for granted. Deprived of things like yoyos, superfast broadband and evening classes in Cantonese cookery, they decide to end it all by hurling themselves into traffic.

But now, with your help, we can put an end to all this.

Last year the Royal Society for the Promotion of Spurious Causes provided two hundred stoats across the British Isles with essential hair care products. We also gave dozens of vulnerable young rabbits the opportunity to meet One Direction. And we put a deer through a cycling proficiency course.

But we need to do more. Many young shrews and field mice still have no access to high definition television, and only a fraction of our urban fox population have been to see the Queen musical We Will Rock You. Your support can help change all that, which is why we are making this appeal to you now. Please send your donations, however small, to:

The Royal Society for the Promotion of Spurious Causes
C/O Mad Geoff's Octopus Emporium
A Bank Where the Wild Thyme Blows
Leicester
Yes, Leicester.

Help us now, and together we can give sunglasses to ferrets.