A Brief Announcement About Slugs

Many readers may have recently purchased the Sluggo Slug Repair Kit after seeing an advert on this site. The distributors have made us aware that a number of these kits have been sent out without the correct documentation and have asked us to reprint the instructions here. Of course, we realise that it's a sad day indeed when intelligent people cannot be trusted to figure out the fundamental principles behind mending broken slugs. Indeed, I'm sure we all remember the basics from school biology lessons, along with untying worms and welding badgers, but in the interests of keeping the Health and Safety people sweet, here goes:

Step 1

Locate the puncture by placing the slug in a bucket of water and looking for the bubbles. Don't worry, the water won't harm your slug, but remember to hold his nose otherwise when he comes out he'll be all sneezy and cross.

Step 2

Carefully dry your slug using a fluffy towel, hair dryer or blow torch.

Step 3

Apply a few dabs of slug glue to the special patch, fix over the puncture and make sure you achieve an airtight seal by stamping on it repeatedly and laughing manically for about twenty minutes.

Step 4

Inflate your slug to 30 psi (or 38 psi if fully laden). CAUTION: Be careful not to overinflate your slug. Over-inflation will give it wind and make its eyes bulge, and anything over 45 psi will make it go off like a rocket.

Step 5

And you're done! Your snotty little pet is now good to go. Make sure he watches where he's going next time.

Sluggo slug repair kit
The Annual 2018

FREE!

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Download PDF Version

Read online

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...


 

 

Promo Image

The Aromatron

Patent stink technology

Promo Image

Local Heroes

Outstanding Achievements in the Field of Vandalism.

Promo Image

Man Picks Fight with Pacific Ocean

Desmond Omelette has been charged with assaulting the Pacific Ocean.

Promo Image

Jehovah's Cleaners

Cleaning whether you want it or not

Promo Image

McDonalds opens in Atlantic

New outlet in the ocean.

Promo Image

A Very Local Paper

All the news from Acacia Street

 

Teaching Carrots to FlyTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

Latest blog entries...