#86

I am in the chokey doing stir, and one of the screws is giving me grief and keeps having it away with my snouts, the nerk. Sorry, I've been in here for twenty minutes now, and I seemed to have picked up the lingo. Allow me to translate: I have been incarcerated in a corrective facility and one of the prison officers is behaving in an unnecessarily antagonistic manner, and has removed my cigarettes with the intention of permanently depriving me of the same, the nerk.

I have seen programmes on the tellybox about being in prison, but this doesn't seem anything like that. On the telly there's usually all sorts of banter and japes, usually at the expense of the warders, and your cellmate is a cheeky Brummie who keeps stealing pineapple chunks. This is not nearly so fun - it's full of people who are violent and nasty, and so I'd really rather like to leave now.

Luckily, I have made contact with a group of people who are as fed up with this grotty place as I am, and we have formed a secret escape committee. Three of them are prison officers, which shows you just how bad things really are.