How do you grow healthy, nutritious and pest-free organic produce without resorting to chemicals? Well the answer appears to be Vegetable Counselling, according to Professor Kieran Poltroon, a 'Neuroflorologist' from Edinburgh University. Following a two-year study programme, most of which was spent staring at a potato, the Professor has concluded that many vegetables display feelings of inadequacy which impede their growth and makes them prone to disease.
"Think about it," Professor Poltroon urged us. "If someone stuck you in the ground and regularly smothered you in manure, you might not feel too good about yourself either."