Housebreakers Code of Conduct

In response to years of negative criticism, the National Association of Housebreakers, Pickpockets and Miscellaneous Villains has issued a code of conduct. The Association's president, Micky 'Spanners' Johnson believes that this move is long overdue. He hopes that now the code is in place, the public can finally be confident that their homes will be burgled in a competent manner.

"We know that being robbed can be a difficult and stressful time for many people," said Mr Johnson. "And that's made all the worse when whoever has turned you over is clearly some kind of bumbling idiot. People have a right to be burgled to a professional standard by properly trained criminals, and when that doesn't happen it reflects very badly on the rest of us."

All members of the association will be obliged to comply or face financial penalties. The code covers many areas of their work, including health and safety, dispersal of assets and 'grassing to the old bill'. The association has also instigated a formal grievance procedure and members are obliged to leave a leaflet at the scene of the crime with details of how to make a complaint.

"I think it's high time that our industry got its house in order and that the skill and conscientiousness of our members was recognised," Mr Johnson told us. "For too long our good work has been overshadowed by a few bad apples. The fact is, we're not in this business to upset anyone. After all, if my intention in robbing people was to cause as much dismay, grief, anger and despair as I possibly could, then I'd still be in banking."

The Annual 2018

COMING SOON: The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...


 

 

Promo Image

Toaster Suicide

Death by appliance.

Promo Image

French Polishers

French polisher arrested for interfering with table.

Promo Image

Oven Chimps

Tasty and nutritious!

Promo Image

Carter-Pierrepoint

Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes, ramped attainment actualisation, meta-directional outflow priorities and correctional forecasting (Tuesdays only).

Promo Image

Well Stuffed

Rogue taxidermist at large.

Promo Image

Shampoo

Buy it. Now.

 

Extreme DinosaursTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

Latest blog entries...