Fuzzy Measurements

The International Bureau of Weights and Measures has announced a new unit for the measurement of length - the ambigometre. The bureau describes this new unit as a 'fuzzy' measurement, which doesn't mean that it's covered in felt, as you might expect, but rather that is a unit which does not have an absolutely defined value. Although, purely coincidentally, it is actually covered in felt.

The ambigometre is described as 'the arbitrary margin of error by which standard units are observed and recorded'. To help you understand how this unit might be used, imagine that you are measuring the width of an alcove for a shelf. Some impediment - for example a piece of furniture, a length of coving or a grumpy looking spider - prevents you from getting the tape measure right up into the corner, meaning that an element of guesswork is required. This is where the ambigometre comes into play - you simply read off the width as closely as you can, give or take an ambigometre, as in the following example:

"Yeah, it's 127 centimetres, Barry, give or take an ambigomtre either way. Are you going to put the kettle on, I'm spitting feathers here."

Of course, this is of absolutely no practical use when you come home from the store to find that the shelf you've just bought is too short, but it nevertheless offers some legal protection for the retailer, as they can maintain that it is indeed '127 centimetres, give or take an ambigometre' just like you asked for.

The ambigometre begins a sixteen week theatre tour next month, along with the vagueolitre and the sillygram.

 

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