Tired of having to leave your favourite donkey leaning up against the shed, stuffed under the bed or wedged behind the sofa?

Dilbert's Donkey Storage Solutions

Heck, I know that I am - or rather I was until I heard about Dilbert's Donkey Storage Solutions. Now all my donkey storage dilemmas are taken care of, without resorting to all that messy business with ropes, polythene bags and blunt gardening tools. With a fancy new Donkey Storage Rack from Dilbert's you need never worry about where to stick your donkey ever again.

So, what's so special about Dilbert's Donkey Solutions?

Well, for one thing, Dilbert's really know their donkeys, and that's no real surprise. Company founder Dilbert Peewit was raised by a family of feral donkeys in the Atacama Desert. There he learned how to how to trot like a donkey, how to speak the donkey language and how to nibble a carrot from the wrong end. He also mastered the dark art of donkey-jitsu, took a correspondence course in donkey shorthand and invented the donkey jacket. Growing tired of desert life and becoming increasingly irritated by the company of so many bloody donkeys, Dilbert decided to come to the Europe and seek his fortune in Aylesbury, just off the A41.

"It was a shithole," says Dilbert. "I haven't been back recently but I have no doubt that it still is. Sorry, but after the towering dunes and the majestic windswept vistas of the Atacama Desert, half a dozen crappy takeaways, a Poundland and a dodgy-looking betting shop really don't have any great appeal."

Nevertheless, it was here that Dilbert became aware of the appalling way that donkeys were being casually propped up against walls, chained to lampposts or wedged into bicycle racks. And he didn't like what he saw.

"No I didn't," Dilbert says. "Thank you very much. I was horrified by the way that my donkey brethren were being treated. As far as I could see, I had two options open to me. I could either help my donkey kinfolk to rise up against their oppressors, seize the reigns (yes, I said reigns) of power and grind humanity to dust beneath our almighty conquering hooves. Or I could come up with something with which I could cash in on the situation. I chose the latter option and now my house has two swimming pools, which is two more than I would have had had I chosen to foment rebellion."

What Dilbert invented was the Donkey Storage Rack, a fantastic space-saving innovation that has proven to be to greatest step forward in donkey management since the clockwork donkey inhibitor. The Donkey Storage Rack comes in many different colours, including green. You can also get them in a wide range of sizes, including extra-large, which means that even my friend Brendon now has somewhere that he can stick his massive ass.

And I'm not the only one who's bowled over with Dilbert Peewit's invention. Just listen to this self-satisfied old fart:

"I luuuurve my new Donkey Rack! It's so convenient and super smart. Now I don't have to worry about my donkey getting all creased and crumpled. And my donkey just adores it! At first I thought it might be overcome with existential donkey angst - you know, like they do. But, in fact, it's really taken to the Donkey Rack and these days it hardly ever tries to mash my brains to a pulp like it used to.

"And not only that! My Donkey Rack came with a free pig bucket. Yes, really - a pig bucket. It's great, although it does mean that I'm going to have to go and get a pig now."

Donkey rack

But hang on a minute, I hear you say. This Donkey Rack is all very well, but exactly how am I going to store my donkey when it's in transit? All right, calm down! What you need is the Donkey Car Rack. The Donkey Car Rack fits securely to the back of any medium-sized car and is the ideal solution if you want to take your donkey with you on holiday, to visit relatives or simply when the poor creature is too shagged out to walk. As a bonus, when it's not in use, the Donkey Car Rack can be transformed into a Car Donkey Rack, which, when fitted to your donkey, will allow it to carry any medium-sized car.

Impressed? That's nothing - wait till you see the Donkey Depot. The Donkey Depot is the perfect donkey accessory for anyone who has more than one donkey. This multi-donkey storage facility allows you to file away up to six donkeys for future use. The patented carousel mechanism means that it's quick and easy to select the right donkey whenever you need it.

So give Dilbert's Donkey Solutions a call now. Whatever your donkey dilemma, you can be sure that Dilbert's will have the solution.

Taken from The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2020.

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Annual 2020
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