Missed Calls

Having lost all his fingers in a freak texting accident, amateur inventor Mat Porridge has recently patented a phone that he can use by repeatedly head-butting the interface. However, there seems to be little demand for 'cranial impact technology' and he has so far been unable to find a manufacturer who is interested in taking the device further.

Critics have, in particular, been sceptical of the commercial viability of a gadget which is both painful to operate and leaves an impression of itself in the user's forehead. Mr Porridge has tried to put a positive spin on these disadvantages, emphasising the potential of cross-selling complimentary products such as pain killers, bandages and crash helmets, but there are still no takers.

Sadly, things now look bleak for the inventor, who has had to remortgage his home to cover the development costs, and is now left with mounting debts, a backlog of missed calls and a splitting headache.