Poo-ology

Professor Jemimah Normal of Warwick University has published proof that dog faeces get progressively heavier after they have been ejected from the dog. "There has been much speculation about this and a certain amount of anecdotal evidence," the Professor told us. "We have known for some time that although dog owners generally collect and bag their animal's mess, they are inclined to carry it only a short distance before leaving on a wall, wedging it behind a lamppost or hanging it from a tree. We posited that the waste matter gains mass upon exposure to air, becoming too heavy to carry. But it is only now that we have observed this in the laboratory."

Professor Normal - whom we would be calling a professional 'poo-ologist' right now, if such a thing existed - has spent many years in a moderately well-ventilated laboratory, making careful measurements of fresh dog excrement. Professor Normal has few friends and doesn't get out much.

"The really disturbing thing," the Professor continued, "is that the process does not appear to end. Molecules of canine ejecta continue to increase in mass, apparently indefinitely. What this means for the planet, I cannot say - but the possibility that the Earth might one day be knocked off its axis by the sheer weight of crap is a very real one. And you can take that from me as a professional poo-ologist."

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2018 The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...


 

 

InstagramFacebookTwitter
Promo Image

The Cake Escape

Power tools hidden in confectionery.

Promo Image

Bristletech

Quality Beards for the modern gent

Promo Image

Teleportation Breakthrough

Experiments have limited success.

Promo Image

Nobel Flap Award

Challenging work in the field of flap design.

Promo Image

So You've Got a New Manager?

Getting a new manager is a magical time for everyone involved. There's a brand new addition to your corporate family.

 

Teaching Carrots to FlyTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

The Bleeding Obvious Prime Time Gameshow Generator

Latest blog entries...