Self-Destructing Software

Microsoft bosses have recently announced that the next version of their Window's operating system will incorporate a surprising new feature. Currently being developed under the working title 'Windows Blast', it will be the first software to incorporate a self-destruct routine.

"As many people know," project director Tony Nitro-Tolulene told us, "it's quite common in action movies and sci-fi epics for equipment to spontaneously explode as a result of the hero pressing a certain sequence of buttons. Reactors, computers, toasters and so on. Well, so far real life hasn't been able to keep pace with Hollywood, but this time we really think we've cracked it."

Historically, the difficulty has always been persuading manufacturers to rig their equipment with explosives, but Microsoft's answer is to do away with this barrier and develop a system which is entirely software-based. The technique is quite complex, and Microsoft are naturally keeping some of the details close to their chests, but in layman's terms the program works by being so cumbersome, buggy and unstable that the hardware simply gives up and commits suicide.