Blast proof Furniture
Is there really a demand for blast-proof furniture? The good people at Comfystuff Furniture Stores seem to think so, which is why they now stock an extensive selection of chairs, sofas and tables that are capable of withstanding major explosions.
"The new Snuggledown three seater will survive anything short of a direct hit," marketing director Terry Pine told us. "Anyone sheltering beneath it has absolutely no worries about being wounded by shrapnel. And that's guaranteed. We also have a wide range of footstools that have been pounded by artillery fire at close range and have come through without displaying any signs of distress. Even our occasional tables have been subjected to prolonged machinegun fire, with the only symptoms of trauma being a few small scratches. And they will polish out fairly easily - guaranteed."
Mr Pine went on to say that the company's furniture was available with interest-free credit, and customers would need to pay nothing until next March. This, of course, is all very well but we still couldn't understand why anyone would need a chest of drawers capable of resisting an airstrike. Mr Pine's only response to this query was to fix us with a long, pained and forlorn stare and mutter, "You don't have kids, do you?"