Feng Shui for Farmers

Since taking the advice of a feng shui expert, Fergus Pong has noted a quite surprising rise in productivity at his Staffordshire farm. "This chap turns up one afternoon," Mr Pong told us. "Shifty looking feller, he were. Anyway, he says as how I can significantly increase my milk yield by lining up all my cows in an East-West direction."

Naturally, Mr Pong did what anybody would do when presented with such information. "Oh aye, naturally," he affirms. "I set the dog on him. You should have seen the daft bugger zig-zagging across the farmyard afore vaulting over a fence and landing in a pile of shit. Anyhow, once he'd piddled off, I thought I'd give it a go - you know, lining up the cows and that. Well, there was nothing on the telly and there was bugger all else to do."

To his surprise, Mr Pong found that milk production seemed to go up. Encouraged by this, he proceeded to apply the principals of feng shui to other areas of his business. He aligned his haystacks so as to channel natural streams of positive energy, identified the birth elements of all his chickens and put his pigs in a pyramid. And did it work?

"Nope," says Mr Pong. "But like I say, there was nothing on the telly and bugger all else to do."

The Annual 2018

FREE!

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Download PDF Version

Read online

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...


 

 

Promo Image

World Bullshit Record

Team bonding, goal setting, table top brainstorming.

Promo Image

Shave the Moon!

Mankind's fascination with his hirsute neighbour in space

Promo Image

Uncle Bertie's Meat Pies

Traditional pastry

Promo Image

Concerns for Ladder Astronaut

British spaceman missing.

Promo Image

Massive Maracas

Mexican village attempts massive maracas record.

Promo Image

Post Nuns

Nuns to be installed in post offices.

 

Extreme DinosaursTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

Latest blog entries...