No Country for Sick Cows

Dairy farmer Fergus Pong has staged a protest outside his local benefits office following a decision not to award Employment Support Allowance to his favourite cow. The benefit, which is given to assist people who are no longer able to work due to ill health, is not usually awarded to animals of working age, and Mr Pong believes that this is inherently unfair.

"It's not my Daisy's fault that she can no longer operate a lathe," said Pong, who tells us that his cow had worked for ten years in a small engineering firm in Staffordshire before contracting a rare tropical disease from a pig who worked in the canteen. "Now, whenever she's on her feet for more than ten minutes at a time she comes over all dizzy and has to have a lie down. Well, that's no good is it? When she went for her assessment the man there asked her if she could sit on a chair without feeling discomfort for more than twenty minutes. Well of course she can, so the man there pronounced her fit for work. Well what good is that? Who goes around employing cows to sit in chairs for twenty minutes at a time? There's no money in that lark. If there was, we'd all be doing it."

Mr Pong is currently helping Daisy to appeal against the decision and he is confident of success. He is also expecting good news after assisting his chickens to apply for Working Tax Credit.

The Annual 2018

FREE!

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Download PDF Version

Read online

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...


 

 

Promo Image

Galactic Phrasebook

Become fluent in Venusian!

Promo Image

Slugbond

An inflated slug is a happy slug

Promo Image

Sandals

The church bans the wearing of sandals

Promo Image

The Thoroughfare of Success

by Dick Smidgin (BA) - Motivational Keynote Speaker

Promo Image

Tripping the Dark Fantastic

Nobody's interested in 'darksabers.

Promo Image

Geoff Geoffreys' Geoffoscope

For too long Geoffs have been ignored by society, cast aside and denied the opportunity to glory in their essential Geoffness.

 

Teaching Carrots to FlyTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

Latest blog entries...