Goths in Gardens

Goths in Gardens

There's really nothing better than watching a shy, timorous young goth, hidden beneath its protective camouflage of foundation and eyeliner, as it jabs away at the sun-baked earth with a rusty garden fork.

Most people take the view that goths are best left to their own devices, wallowing in self-pity in some dark and gloomy corner of their bedrooms, and this really is a great pity. The truth is that they flourish in sunlight and frequently manage to dredge up some vestige of inner joy when surrounded by the vibrant colours of nature. With the sun on their startled little faces, it's as if they somehow come alive.

That's what Goths in Gardens is really all about. We are a charity that reaches out to sociopathic and disaffected young goths, dragging them, often reluctantly, blinking into the daylight. At our specially designed goth-friendly allotment they get a chance to get their hands dirty working with the soil, gaining valuable new life skills, learning all sorts of interesting things about slugs and snails and spending quality time with tomatoes.

Goth tent

The Goth Tent.
These special blackout cubicles provide a safe retreat for timid and confused goths when sunlight becomes too much for them.

And now we're reaching out to you. Trowels don't come cheap so we're asking you to give whatever you can to help our worthy cause. And perhaps, with your help, we can finally help these poor disadvantaged goths to become valued members of society rather than the miserable and whiney little freaks that they are.

 

Goths: The Fact and the Fiction

There are many misconceptions about goths. Here we take a few moments to explode a few of them... Misconceptions, that is, not goths.

Contrary to popular belief, goths do not shrivel up when exposed to sunlight.

Although there are fewer of them around these days, goths are not officially an endangered species. You're thinking of pandas.

Goths are not waterproof and will fall apart like a wet paper bag when exposed to moisture.

Goths do not eat bamboo. Again, that's pandas.

Many people still believe that goths are not allowed on British roads. If fact it has been legal for a goth to drive a motor vehicle since 1983.

Goths are not capable of intercepting radio signals and, despite the rumours, have never been used by the intelligence services for counter espionage.

Children's author Elizabeth Beresford did not base the Wombles on a goth called Bertie Muffin whom she met on Wimbledon Common in 1967.

Although usually a slow and shambling creature, goths are capable of reaching speeds of up to 38mph.

Goths do not have any inhibitions about mating in captivity... pandas again.

 

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