A Letter from Mrs Womble

We've had a letter from a Mrs Edna Womble of Hartlepool. Mrs Womble writes:

 

Dear Mr Obvious

My nephew recently bought a leopard from a major high street pet shop, but on getting it home he discovered that it was all bitey and kept trying to rip his arm off. Well, we did just what anyone else would do and took it back to the shop but the shop assistant said that they didn't do refunds and wouldn't give me my money back. Well, of course, I demanded to see the manager but he was off sick after been attacked by a mountain lion the week before. Naturally I stood my ground; I told them that I knew my rights and that I wasn't prepared to leave until I had seen someone in authority. Eventually the assistant manager came out of the back, covered in bandages and scratch marks, and bleeding profusely, but he just tried to fob me off by telling me we could exchange it for two hyenas or an okapi. I left the shop in a huff, promising to write a stern letter to his head office , returning only to collect my nephew, whom I found swaying hypnotically in front of the tank with the big snake in it.

I am presently in the process of penning my letter of complaint, in which I point out the defective nature of the leopard, the lack of safety warnings on the box and the fact that the only instructions appear to be in Italian. But my question is this - bearing in mind the terrible effect that this has had on my impressionable young nephew, my own status as an elderly and fragile pensioner, and mindful of the personal stress and anxiety that this situation had generated, how much should I ask for in compensation?

Yours sincerely

Mrs Edna Womble

 

Well thank you for your letter Mrs Womble. A tricky situation indeed. But I'm afraid you're confusing us with someone else. Try a consumer site.

The Annual 2018

FREE!

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Download PDF Version

Read online

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...


 

 

Promo Image

Fengami

The art of folding furniture

Promo Image

Monsters

Attacks by monsters on the increase.

Promo Image

What is your tailbone for?

It's to stop your spine falling out.

Promo Image

Grand Theft Equine

Stealing horses to order

Promo Image

The Domesday Clipboard

The clipboard used to compile the Domesday Book.

Promo Image

Flying Squirrels

Now you too can learn to fly like a squirrel

 

Standard British NunsTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

Latest blog entries...