What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier ttouser experience.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Mrs Womble writes...
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
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