Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Mrs Womble writes...
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
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