Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Mrs Womble writes...
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
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