It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Mrs Womble writes...
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
All material Copyright © Paul Farnsworth 2000-2025, and may not be reproduced without the express permission of the author. All characters, companies and organisations are fictitious, and any similarity to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental. || Picture Credits: P.Farnsworth/morguefile.com/craiyon.com. || Privacy Notice: this site does not collect, store or otherwise process your personal data. Sorry, but I'm not the slightest bit interested in you.
