The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Mrs Womble writes...
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
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