Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Mrs Womble writes...
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
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