Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Mrs Womble writes...
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
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