The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Mrs Womble writes...
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
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